complete neglect

I know I have completely neglected my blog. I am also, wondering should I scrap it all together and being fresh… But I think I do that a lot when I don’t want to deal with something. and neglecting my blog is not the root either. I’m neglecting my blog because I am neglecting my budget, my spending, my savings… should I go on? SO I need to do some soul searching. I found another great blogger that has been doing what I try and do and WOW!!! this really could be me if I just kept to my guns and stopped jumping off the wagon.

http://money.cnn.com/2011/01/14/pf/anna_newell_jones/index.htm?hpt=C2#TOP

 

So here is to keeping on keeping on and putting a little more effort in everything I have going on now.

 

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Cycles

Temporarily, temporary.

Not long now and change takes place.

Change, changes back to the same.

Words aren’t enough and feelings go numb.

Moans and bruises and wounds undone

Repeating, repeats

Life recycles into our young

Poor, poor child what have we done.

Change and Evolving

I get to work this morning and I’m getting myself mentally prepared for what the day will bring.  In reality I’m hoping that I have enough work from not being here on Friday to help my day fly by so that I don’t crash at 3pm for lack of sleep last night. And, to no surprise I have been surfing all day on-line and wondering when will this change.

Before I had a chance to even give more thought to how bored I was I received a phone call from a consultant staffing service stating that they found me on Linkedin and that they wanted to know if I was “Looking”, well, I haven’t seriously been looking, but I am not NOT looking! SO jumping down the rabbit hole I said YES!

I had to call him back at lunch for obvious  reasons… like “I am at work.”  When I spoke to him later the position was an Admin Marketing Assistant. “Could this be my lucky day?” I have been trying to break into the Marketing industry for a few years now, but with the economy and everything else going down hill especially in Florida I have been scared to make the transition. Even the thought of going back to school to get my BA in Marketing has been put off for fear of spending another $20k and finding nothing or making the same thing that I am making now… the debt did not out way the means for me.

So, all this being said I can’t help but have a bit of nerves built up in my stomach for the idea of changing and even evolving.

I am comfortable to say the least. What if I get the position and then they let me go? (this IS my biggest Fear) I have a very secure realiable going nowhere job.  But it is secure.

I usually am the first to encourage family and friends to follow their dreams and take the risk. Aren’t I the one that encouraged my best friend in the whole world to drop it all and MOVE across the world to another country and teach. All of these things that she never has done in her life? Telling others how to live their lives is so much easier than making changes to my own.

To state that I have a lack of confidence in my own abilities would be the understatement of the year. People intimidate me. Business people really intimidate me. I can usually hold me own and mimic and figure it all out, but the thought of NOT getting IT leaves me with a broken self esteem. Which is exactly the reason that I am unhappy working for a company that I love but in a position with no further opportunity.

How do I get out of my own way?